What’s your Love Bonding Style?
Hello, my name is Noelani Rodriguez, I’m a Love Psychic that has predicted 10 marriages and has been featured on global radio programs like Para-X Radio.
Talking with over 2000 people in love readings, I have noticed that sometimes it is useful to know your own “love bonding style” or what they refer to in Modern Psychology as “attachment style.”
So for example, John Knowles the father of Attachment Theory, saw that there were three attachment styles. Books like “Hold Me Tight” or “Attached” explore these three types also:
- secure attachment style – 50% of the population, tends to feel a secure attachment bond with a partner. Knows how to be present to the relationship and reassure someone that they are in the relationship securely.
- anxious attachment style – 25% of the population, tends to feel anxious with distance. Needs reassurance. Tends to swallow needs and requests instead of honoring her needs. The culture also tends to put down this style of love as “needy,” while attachment is part of our biological feedback system and some “protest” more when they feel lack of closeness. This type can be validated and also learn to communicate needs effectively.
- avoidant attachment style – 25% of the population, tends to need space and distance but can start out close. Can also project the problem onto the partner, thinking the partner is “needy” or “overthinking” the relationship. Can be in the dating pool more because they tend to idealize the idea of finding a perfect “soulmate” but they lose interest more quickly because of their avoidant style. They can learn to validate partners, communicates needs effectively and ask for more space.
What I find is that by knowing your attachment style or what I like to call “love bonding style,” you can choose what love bonding style you’d like in your partnership. Certainly anxious types can attract avoidant types because opposites attract, plus we tend to attract according to our love wounds.
By the way, here”s an example of attracting according to our love wounds– I’ve seen an anxious attachment woman that constantly wonders where she stands, with an avoidant attachment man that goes in his cave and wonders about the relationship from a distance. But looking at their wounding helps see what is happening: she never got enough validation in early childhood and got controlled instead, while he got criticized constantly in childhood and learned to become distant. Now the woman he is with criticizes him for being distant (his wound) and he distances from her making her feel invalidated (her wound).
People become medicine for one another and their wounding although the medicine can be a bitter pill to swallow. Each one learns that they are not stuck thinking that love is like their childhood, and they can choose partners that want to relate in their style.
It is easier for an anxious attachment style person to go with a secure attachment style person, and it is easier for a avoidant style person to go with a secure attachment style person.
Whatever person you choose, it is good to know their style, know your style and negotiate your needs, including saying your needs. The anxious attachment style person has the hardest time saying their needs but they must try. The avoidant attachment style person has the hardest time seeing their needs (the tend to squash their needs and also think problems are their partner’s fault), but with some self knowledge they can ask for their needs too, which often times is to get some space.
One cool thing I ask clients to try is to try and spot a person’s attachment style in 3 seconds. It should obvious what attachment style people have. Is someone not smiling on the bus? Do they seem to shrink into their own corner? (avoidant style).
It’s great practice to spot people’s attachment style for dating and guessing who’s a match.
Even when someone’s not your style, you can still negotiate.
Noelani Rodriguez is a Love Psychic that’s predicted many marriages-here’s some testimonials:
Here’s people that said I predicted their marriages in readings!
- “We’re engaged to be married this coming spring. ” Karen L.
- “Noelani…predicted the relationship I’ve been in for the past four years.Orice K.
- “She (Noelani) told me I would meet my great love by Summer, and I met him at the end of Memorial Day weekend…” Heather S:
- “.this is the one.” Sue L:
- “I wouldn’t be married to this fabulous man if it weren’t for you!” Lauren F
Text or phone 503-967-7018 for a love psychic reading.