Why People Disappear
Psychics get phone calls about people that have disappeared, temporarily or permanently. Usually it is temporary. After doing more than 1000 psychic readings in my career this is what I have to say about disappearing.
Unpredictable People Can Make Us Say Ouch
Ancient Astrologers defined heartbreak as unpredictability. Some people are unpredictable — an Astrologer might call this having an influence of Uranus, the unpredictable planet. But one thing you have to remember is that unpredictability is sometimes a personality trait, and this can be the culprit sometimes.
Whether an unpredictable departure is just part of a person’s personality, or the sign of some other issue, if we can come to embrace unpredictability, even if we don’t prefer it, we are one step closer to emotional well-being. In any case, unpredictable disappearances can really hurt. It’s better to understand them.
Who Disappears and Why?
Here are some of the reasons why someone disappears:
— A person has unpredictability built into their character, like a person with Aquarius or planet Uranus prominent in their Astrology chart. This type of person thrives on change, and can build up hidden resentments into a critical mass. Don’t be surprised when they surprise you because they are all about surprise! Just know that even if the change is a shock, it was building up for a while.
— A person bent on peace. The personality quiz called the Color Code is lauded by Oxford University Psychologists. Out of four personality types listed, one type is most likely to disappear. This type is motivated by “peace,” hates conflict, and holds a secret scoring card to see if they think you’ve been fair. Once they decide that you haven’t been fair, they disappear, even after years. Once in a while this type of personality type shows up in my readings.
– A person that exists in chaos. There are people with very chaotic childhoods, and their inner life becomes a revolving door of emotions, drives and exit strategies. There may be a psychological disorder like one of the “cluster B” personality disorders like narcissism, borderline personality, sociopathy and so forth. There may be something like schizoaffective disorder. These are extreme cases, but remember that people that seem to live in chaos or even like it usually have profound abuse. They may really want to connect and then find themselves uncomfortable with the responsibility of connection. Also, a person with an addiction problem can be managing deep seated emotional problems, creating chaos also. Drug addicts and also sex addicts create chaos! Just know the chaos isn’t about you.
— People that spot an obnoxious side of you. Hey we’re not perfect and sometimes a person thinks you’re too controlling, too angry, talk too much, are too cloying, or basically have some kind of dysfunctional patterning that is gonna last a while. One of the most common reasons people disappear is because they find that you have an unhealthy pattern that you’re not ready to confront. There’s no lack of love! They just want you to create a more healthy environment for them.
— The man cave. While I don’t want to normalize disappearing, short disappearances that last 3 to 6 weeks can often be a man that wants to go in his cave. Men are different from women. They build testosterone all month long and likewise they build energy to confront their emotions and yours. They can place emotional issues on the shelf until they are ready to deal with them. There’s a shelf in every man cave where he can temporarily store his emotions until he’s ready to deal with them, kinda like a spare part of a car.
There is something else that women can remember about men, that is that men in research are found to get more stressed out around women’s emotions than other women tend to be. That means that men get their heart racing and their blood pressure rising when they don’t understand woman’s emotions or know how to make a woman happy. Because of this they tend to do fight or flight. It helps for women to build positive requests and easy instructions for men to help satisfy their needs. Men love to have a job that they can do well and instructions to get you happy easily. Just remember that there can be relatively legitimate reasons why a man goes in his cave, as us women can sometimes talk in terms of repetitive complaints instead of positive, clear requests.
What to Do about People that Disappear | Disappearing Acts
The Tibetans have a saying that a friend who disappears was never a friend in the first place. In other words, sometimes a person that disappears has been keeping up a front or a deception about who they are. You want to see if this is the case.
Often a person has been pretending to be someone, pretending not to be a cheater, pretending to be committed and so forth.
You want to take a look at people that disappear and see if they have a tendency towards pretending something, or just disappearing every so often!
Another thing to do is just accept if a person is just a naturally unpredictable person. Some people are unpredictable and that is all. Look at their Astrology chart and see if they have some indicators of unpredictability like prominent Aquarius or Uranus.
Also check if a person may have disappeared as a way of avoiding conflict, or a way of starting conflict. Either way, disappearing may be built into their personality.
If the person thrives on chaos or even worse, they thrive on hurting you, then consider that they may have a lack of empathy or personality disorder that can equate love with meanness. This is not likely to improve. If they are an addict, just know they can have significant work to do on themselves to improve their chaos.
Try loving unpredictable people — I know a woman that goes on routine vacations and then turns them into two or three year junkets, leaving her family behind. She’s unpredictable but loving all the same. On one of her extended trips, her husband said “you know I’ve always been meaning to cross-dress!” She came back from her trip and he was in a dress! They have been married many years or and are used to each other’s unpredictability.
So the bottom line is, decide whether the disappearing person is:
A) in a man cave
B) a deceiving type of person
C) turned off because of what they perceive as unfairness, hopefully temporarily
D) someone with problems acting chaotic or even mean
E) someone that thinks you need work to do on yourself
F) just an unpredictable type!
No matter what, people that disappear may shock us but they’ll always give us good opportunities — 1) the chance to be in our own skin and value ourselves unconditionally no matter what they are doing and 2) the chance to to see who they are little more clearly, and who we are as well.
Noelani Rodriguez is a Psychic, Author and Radio Guest. Find out more at NoelaniRodriguez.com